For me, high school was… High school. That’s what it was. Having graduated just over a year ago, the memories are fresh in my head. This morning, I had breakfast with one my favorite teachers ever. During breakfast, being around her brought back memories of my high school days.
Every day, I woke up nice and early, and took a 10 minute train ride. I arrived at school, went about my day and took that train ride back home. Walking home, I would imagine the day I’d be talking about my weight issues as if it was something of the past. Those times of wishful thinking were thoughts I’d get for 2 minutes of my day, then I’d get distracted by a text message or one of life’s everyday stuff.
I always struggled with my weight. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I covered my emotions with a vibrant energy and my shiny teeth. For an observational study, one of my classmates asked me my weight. I would not respond. I would not bulge (figuratively of course, because physically I was bulging); she attempted the guessing game with no success.
Imagine this… Gym class comes around. Gym was supposed to be that time of day to let go, stretch and excite your body. We’d do exercises, learn how to play sports and play games. Playing games were the least fun. Being physically inactive was the least of my problems. Not only was I the last guy chosen to play the games in gym class, I was one of the last people in general. The girls who had no athletic bone in them were chosen before I was.
Just a few weeks ago, I uploaded pictures from an old camera my family had from 2 years ago. What did I find? Not one picture of myself. I hated pictures with me in them. I took my graduation pictures in high school, just so I wouldn’t be listed in the “Not pictured” portion of my yearbook. Did I give my parents the option of ordering pictures so we can savor the memories? No I didn’t. All I needed were the watermarked proofs that were sent to me.
Senior year arrived and passed and I was far from being on top of my game. I lacked motivation, was uninspired and I felt physically disgusting. Did anyone know this? Not at all… My friends fueled on my positive energy and my smile was always on.
Let’s fast forward after high school, to October 2011. My parents decided to test my blood sugar level and it registered in the mid 200’s. For those of you who don’t have family members living with both type 1 and 2 diabetes and aren’t too familiar with diabetes, 252 is a bad number. Some days, I’d register at 207, while some days I’d be at 336. A healthy, non-diabetic person registers at 120, at most. My grandmother has lost most of her vision because of her struggles with type 2 diabetes.
This year was my year to take care of myself. In January 2012, my mind was completely set on what I needed to do. I took the gym more seriously and began eating correctly. In March 2012, while on the phone with a friend, I decided to step on the scale. I had lost TEN pounds! I was so excited! I stepped on the scale 5 times and recalibrated it each of the times. That sudden weight loss, was my motivation.
Inner growth comes with struggle, that’s a lesson learned. Why do I say that? I started this year with a goal. An ambitious goal that many set, but a few succeed. Though I haven’t reached my year goal of losing 80 pounds, I have lost 55 pounds and it shows and feels. I weighed 285 pounds. I can happily say that with pride. The struggles that I’ve gone through, all of a sudden become worth it.
I work out on a daily basis. It is an addiction! I don’t work out, I WORK out. I changed my lifestyle completely. I’ve abandoned foods that a year ago, I couldn’t live without.
Why talk about it and put it out in to the universe? It’s a form of self-empowerment and motivation to continue. Think about it… I have wanted this for a long time. my weight affected me in ways beyond imaginable. I have conquered it and continue to do so. What can’t I conquer?
I was always the fat kid. It’s a title I have always had. It’s far beyond a physical thing. It’s an emotional state of sadness, bitterness, denial and depression. Overcoming that stage feels amazing. With lots of hard work, dedication and utmost desire, I am happy to say these words…
I’m a fat kid no more.